Faith is tough. It is one thing to believe in a God who created Earth and the people who are sustained by its’ goodness, and another to keep your heart full of faith that assures your soul you are ushered through life both in good times and in bad by a creator who loves each of us. In fact He loves us so much that he sent His son to die on a cross for the sins of humanity, and has prepared a place better than the most exotic destinations of this world. For me I guess it’s easy and entertaining to grapple with the creation piece of faith, but believing in a God who loves us, goodness, I for one see how easy it is for non believers to understand God’s love with so much sadness and evil that seemingly often conquers good.
I will be vulnerable and disclose that lately it has been hard for me to continually remember the love God has for me. I hate to admit it but I’ve been maintaining like a city without walls, freely letting darkness erode faith, hope, and love. Questions of dark origin filtrate through my mind, Cancer returning, loved ones becoming sick, not living up to the potential I can only wish to be, being a better wife, and worst of all, someday if I do pass how will those I love carry on, better off perhaps?
Fears, worry, anxieties run deep. They pop up in our minds quicker then dandelions on a summer day, and root themselves in our heart at the depths of lifelines which sustain the strongest trees. Despite my mind and body not functioning how it did before Cancer luckily my heart reminds me that even in the darkest times I can whisper His name, “Jesus”, and feel His presence, which gives me the ability to “conduct myself in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ” constantly remembering my reward both in this life and after for doing just that.
For the prayer warriors I’m so lucky to have in my life please prayer as I plan to share some of my story at my dads church in Brookings, OR on 7/13/13, and for my body and mind to feel stronger. My next chemo is on 7/9, the day before I fly to Oregon.
Still fighting Like A Girl,
PS let us all live as cities with the tallest, strongest walls, and keep in mind that in God’s world, good will always conquer evil. It’s the fee will piece of life that we must fight to overcome.