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Life’s a Mystery

I have had catscans to check for any signs of Cancer since completing my aggressive chemo regiment. Despite more phone calls then I can count I still do not have conclusive results, and I have left all the messages for the doctor that they will allow for now, and so I continue to wait.

Life is filled with mystery, and being the intelligent, sometimes considered  analytic, and compassionate creation we are as human beings we often seek to understand things that are not intended to be within our understanding. Since being diagnosed with an aggressive form of Ovarian Cancer I have resisted asking the question why, but lately the temptation to understand has been a lot more captivating. As doctor’s bills begin to pour in and I am no longer regulated by such an intrusive chemo schedule I am left with a lot more questions then I had when I began this journey. Questions about if Cancer will ever return, what does God want me to do with the life I’ve been given, and will I continue to appreciate things as I longed to do while I was so sick and helpless. I don’t feel like my faith has weakened, but maybe I could compare this transitional time with the darkness experienced with the recent Oklahoma tornadoes that has impacted many across the nation. There is so much destruction, so much doubt and sadness, but through it all there is light. There is light in those who have chosen to give, serve, and reach out to those affected and light experienced by the growth that happens in the midst of tragedy.

With the tornadoes, and for me my Cancer diagnosis, there are many questions and lots of why’s that can only be directed by a God who is in control of it all. To quote something my husband said about his childhood following his father’s death from Melanoma he stated, ” I never lost faith that God was real, that He was alive, and that He cared about my family. I thought to myself many nights if God is not all that we as Christians believe Him to be we are in more trouble then we appear to be in, someone better be driving this train!”

The blessing in it all is that God is everything we believe Him to be. He is directing this train of life even when we are burdened with more questions and sorrow then we care to be bombarded with, and still when we feel so blessed we feel the need to shout it from every social media outlet we have access to.  My husband is the king of analogies, and one of my favorites he has shared with me is that life is like a football game. If you knew you were going to win every time there would be no motivation or intrigue to suit up and play. Sometimes the game will bring hurt and sadness, but other times it brings such joy you want to shout from the rooftops. Because life is a journey and mystery we are captivated by it, and I am thankful to be captivated by a God who is good to those who choose Him even when life feels a little too mysterious.

  • grammie of 3

    June 4, 2013 at 7:56 pm Reply

    Such wonderful perspective. Bless you. We will continue praying for complete healing.

  • Cheryl

    June 4, 2013 at 8:46 pm Reply

    You continue to amaze me Chicky!! xoxo Love You!!

  • Ginger

    June 4, 2013 at 11:32 pm Reply

    This brought me to tears. Our situation has left me confused and unsure, but over the months and mostly in the last week I have found a renewed peace in our storm. Yup, He is driving this train…

    Beautiful post and thanks for writing and sharing. You've touched my heart at a time when I sure need the reminders.

  • Rebecca Nelson

    June 6, 2013 at 4:35 pm Reply

    Tarah…found your blog thru your daddy, Rick. My hubby and I knew him at BNC/SNU many years ago even though we weren't close friends. He knows my sister, Faith and her hubby Greg Bybee better…

    Anyway…hope you don't mind that I follow you along on your journey. Prayers going up for you for complete healing. God is able.

    Beautiful written post. Meaningful. Heaven sent.

    Love to you~

    A Gathering Place

  • LeMoine Isaac

    June 17, 2013 at 9:41 am Reply

    Hi Tarah, you don't really know me but I'm a friend of your dads. I like your blog. Keep fighting the good fight of faith, and may the Lord bless, keep, and strengthen you! The Lord is our good shepherd, I pray we can all trust Him more with more faith.

    With love, in Christ, Your brother, Jeremy.

  • Heather Caalim

    June 19, 2013 at 4:00 pm Reply

    Hello. You don't know me. I found your blog through a friend of mine, Britt Hoppe. She's my hair stylist. She told me about you and is hoping for us to meet one day.

    I was recently diagnosed with Large B Cell Non Hodgkins Lymphoma on May 15, 2013. I'm a 34 year old single mother to a 4 1/2 yr old. This is still a shock. But knowing that God is in control and this"season" in time is all for His glory…I have hope that I will be Cancer Free soon!!

    I read your blog and it brought me to tears. I loved and agree with every thing you wrote. I will continue to follow you through your journey.

    May God Bless you and hope your day is blessed!

    Heather Caalim

  • Catie

    May 15, 2014 at 3:57 am Reply

    Hello, I am a friend of Heather Caalim's. I am so sorry to say that she went home to be with her Savior on Mother's Day. She loved your blog and the blessings you gave her. We are praying for you. Thank you so much for what you did for her.. She will always be our Courageous, Loving Heather. Catie Loeffler

    • Tarah Warren

      May 16, 2014 at 4:39 am Reply

      Hi Catie,
      Thanks for reaching out! I have kept up with Heather and her fight ever since we connected on social media just one year ago. I read about Heather's entrance into Heaven early Monday morning, and my thoughts and prayers have frequently been with her family, and especially sweet Phillip! I admired her fight and tenacity, and I've wanted to write a tribute to her.. Do you know her family? would that be okay? I will continue to pray for Phillip, hoping he will use suffering as his mother did.. to advance the Gospel and spread awareness! I know she is enjoying life with no more pain, and experiencing immeasurable joy, but still I miss her presence and the strength she displayed each day!

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