Recent days have been tough. I am learning that as much as
my spirit wants to compel me to accomplish even the most mundane tasks my body
is not allowing me to. This is my off week from chemo and in cycles past has typically been a week where I have a little extra energy and ability to live
life with a past sense of normalcy. I have a lot I would like to do, a few
things I must do, and gathering the energy is quite the endeavor.

This week is jumbled with additional feelings as I am trying
to complete my final case analysis for school, and what I must analyze involves
a women dying of Cancer. In addition my aunt underwent an intensive surgery
yesterday to reconstruct what was taken from her after a diagnosis of Breast
Cancer. My heart has been heavy for her and her three daughters, and it makes
me wish my uncle’s body had not succumbed to the hardships of Colon Cancer so
he could be with them.  Thinking about
their trial allows my mind to drift to my cousin Spencer who greeted my uncle
in Heaven, but not before a long and arduous battle with Cancer. From there my
mind drifts to my mother who thankfully God chose to heal, but not before she
endured her own hardships of battling Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Further still my
mind drifts to the many adversities and sufferings found in every corner of
this world. As my mom has said, “Everybody has something they are dealing or
struggling with”.

It makes it easy for me to understand why there are people
who don’t believe in God or why some are angry with Him. Many of you know me
and my past, and for a quick synopsis let’s just say God and I were not friends,
and I would never have been referred to as the devotional type (Ill get into this more at another time). Along
life’s journey, however, I learned of the beauty God can create in our lives
when we surrender our sorrows to Him. When I turn to Him, when I am mindful of
the realm of good and evil that we live among for now, when I make a conscious
effort to use His strength; I am given the greatest gift one could hope to receive.
JOY, PEACE, and LOVE!

This is a song written and performed by my cousin Spencer
who as I mentioned earlier now sings and plays music with my Lord and Savior in
Heaven. He wrote the words to “Sweet Surrender” while he was battling Cancer. I
understand his words very clearly now, and have listened to them many
times throughout this journey. When we surrender it, no matter what it is,
although He may not take it away He will give us the spirit we need to get
through it. 

                                     Link to my cousin Spencer’s song; “Sweet Surrender”