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Trusting

An update for my friends and family; Yesterday the doctor
called, they called to tell me my white cell count is low, which is nothing new
to these ears. What was different is they become concerned when white counts
are around 500. Mine have been around 400, but according to my blood draw from
this week I am walking around with them at 300. In addition I started having
severe pain in my abdomen on Tuesday evening, which lasted into Wednesday and
Thursday, but I must say has dulled considerably. I have an appointment with
the doctor today at 11:00. This doesn’t mean I expect to walk away with
answers, because as I have learned physicians “practice” medicine hence why my
chemotherapy involves several clinical trials.
This update may sound as if I am upset, and I will admit
things have been tough. There are times I long for the life I once had, but
recognize God has given me a much brighter future because of Cancer and so I am
prepared to use His strength to get me to where I want to be. I had a good
reminder this week when a package that was supposed to come on Friday arrived
at my doorstep Wednesday. It was a new “Clinging Cross” that a friend made just
for me. It was God’s way of reminding me to continue walking towards the light
and cling to Him even when it feels impossible or counter intuitive to life’s
circumstances. 
My days seem to turn around when I place my trust in Him.
This reminds me of a Bible story, which I think exemplifies trials in this
life. Jesus was seen literally walking on water, and He invites his disciple
Peter to climb out of the boat and join Him. Peter begins to walk on water
himself as he looks to Jesus, but a wind on the water makes him turns his eyes
away from Jesus and he begins to sink. I can imagine what Jesus was thinking at
that moment and this is my own assumption, however,  I think Jesus would have thought “ What are
you doing? I am the son of God, you were just walking on water and some wind
blows you, you falter, and your faith is weakened?”. God wants us to trust Him
in all of life’s circumstances. Sometimes He is asking us to step out of the
boat, and for some that part is easy. The difficult part for many, including
myself, comes once we are on the water trusting God and trials of this world
come to blow us over and we succumb to their meager authority in comparison to
God’s majesty. If this update causes you to worry about me you have missed the
point of my disclosure. Instead pray for me, walk towards the light, and be
honest with God above who already knows how you feel. 
4 Comments
  • ghezal3

    March 15, 2013 at 2:22 pm Reply

    Praying for you friend.

  • Andrea

    March 15, 2013 at 3:49 pm Reply

    praying for you Tarah! I love you and I am so glad that God gave you to me as my sister.

  • Debbie

    March 15, 2013 at 4:01 pm Reply

    Praying for you as this next wind blows and you keep your eyes on the one who holds you in it. Love you Warrior Tarah you are an inspiration to me!

  • o4seasmom

    March 21, 2013 at 12:56 am Reply

    I happened to see your story on the FB page of a mutual friend and wandered over to your blog. Thank you for sharing your story, while I might not understand all you are going through physically, your clinging cross is a good visual that I will not soon forget. May you find strength in your journey and peace through the pain. Blessings.

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